Well…Anyways…
I’ve had soooo many jobs. I’ve worked since I was about 13, definitely remember working at 14. I’ve done almost every job I can think of. My father worked at a staffing agency. Got me exposed to all kinds of industries/environments. One of the best choices I’ve ever made. Really.
Kind of in this order…
- Circus
- Ran printing presses
- Mailroom gigs
- Annoying putter flyers on your car guy
- Food service functions; Cash register asshole, Serving, host, valet, dishes, food prep…
- Physical labor stuffs; Warehouse work, forklift operator, inventory jockey, mover, truck helper…
- Retail; Big box store stuffs…Sales, Hardware tech, shelf stocking jockey
- Corporate; IT stuffs… He ( ll ) lpdesk, networking blah blah blah, developer, systems admin, technical project manager ( / bullshit artist)
I know I missed some…I’ve had a metric fuck ton of jobs, and with them…Bosses.
Each one was fairly entertaining. And by entertaining I mean I can’t believe that sometimes these people lead other people that get paid money to do a task.
I guess it started with the circus. My boss there was either naked, doing cocaine, or swinging from something, anytime I can remember. Seems about right. Just sub in really nice orchestra type music for the motley crue you’re imagining. Cirque du soleil. What a blast. I had a single lucid conversation with my onsite boss. I received my orders/duties. I opened and closed a door every 1.5 hours. 12 dollars an hour…Awesome. I was 18 ish.
It wasn’t so bad. None have my jobs have been that bad.
Well…Anyways…
Fast forward to some corporate gigs. This is where the magic happened. The really mind blowing shit that I knew would make me happy I’d laid down roots in the “concrete jungle”. These bosses are the thing of legend. Thinking back about these folks always makes me cringe through a smile. It’s a good thing….or something.
I had this boss that had the largest collection of shoulder padded jackets and shirts in the southeast. Burlington coat factory depended on this lady. Hell of a person. Great lady. Thanks to her I had the opportunity to learn the basis of everything I know in IT.
…Said on occasion…daily, hilarious shit. Like umm, “I want to watch you grow”, “I’m going to grow you”. Ah normally this’d be totally cool. But not when, well, like when I’m sitting down and she’d bend over behind me and her tits would rest on my head or neck. I love tits. But not when I’m not ready for them. Ah maybe sometimes when I’m not ready for them, that’s fun too. I wasn’t ready for a few things that happened. Being yelled at for being at work on a Tuesday because she thought it was Sunday. Drugs? The world will never know.
Same company, different boss. Guy was hilarious. I look up to him in ways. Because of this guy I travelled the entire country by plane, a few times…almost every state. Drove through most of the country due to his wacky ass plans too. An experience, I appreciate daily. This was by far the most homophobic person I’ve ever met. Visibly uncomfortable in the presence of homosexual men, I took so much joy out of watching a male flight attendant having fun with that phobia on a SFO – CLT flight. He’d yell, all the time. Fuck, mostly retard though. Once in Maryland while installing some equipment, on a ladder 25 feet in the air, I was behind him. Handing up equipment. That morning we ate at Maryland’s finest Bob Evans. I had pancakes. He of course had to get crazy and order some bullshit run for the border omelet scramble.
So he shits himself, loudly. On the ladder. With me behind him. Abruptly stating “Oh no”. He left.
My next boss, to avoid getting my ass kicked…was just simply amazing. I really found him to be one of the best bosses I’ve ever had. It was with him that I learned to cuss out, or just cuss at my boss. I also learned what a “come to jesus meeting” was. He and I honestly had a great relationship. He parties hard. I can’t keep up with that dude. He didn’t give a shit about how much shit I got in to with women around the office….I should get that in to words someday.
Anyways… For my own safety, maybe his too, I’ll leave out most of the details.
Another boss of mine lived on red bull, smoked electronic cigarettes and normal ones…all day, got excited over new leaked porn, spoke frequently of skanky crack whores, called everything “guy”, and ate more bojangles than I thought was humanly possible. Seems tame in comparison to most bosses I’ve had. My day to day with this dude was mostly me cussing him out for never explaining anything to me, and trying to decide if the girl upstairs wanted to bang him or not. She did only talk to him…
After that there was a weird lull, I never even met this boss. And only talked to him when I was on furlough. Maybe a total of 4 times over 1.5 years. We still email back and forth over the holidays to say hello.
And now, currently. This guy comes off caring or compassionate or whatever. He’s good at what he does, and what his team is supposed to be doing.
Then….He’ll be talking to you, and mid-sentence close a door in your face. Or walk off. It happens so much we coined a phrase using his last name. You just got “::insert last name::-ed”. Guy often tells you how to do your job by telling you to do things he can’t actually explain or find a process on how to do. I think that’s normal in the corporate world though. I think one of my favorite things is the phone calls before and after a shift that are obvious fishing calls to see where you are because he’s never in the office.
“Hey are you in the office”….Nope its 5:05 and I leave at 4:30, why what’s up?
“Oh I didn’t have anything”…What?
“Yeah have a good night”…..
“What…?”
Or the popular, “Hey you’re working tomorrow, but there’s not much going on so just take the day”. This was every Friday for about 3 months. It was fantastic. I’m hourly though. Oh well.
Then there was the latest conversation.
Me – “I can’t say I want to remain in the role I’m in past my contract end date (6 weeks out), I’d like to limit my travel and work in a hands-on IT role”
“Hey, I blah blah blah…We’re looking for a different role, so we won’t be renewing your contract again anyway.”
Me – “can you describe that role?”
“Blah blah”
Me –“That sounds an awful lot like what I do now”
“It is, it’s pretty much what you do now”
Me – “….?”
Well…Anyways…
The most ridiculous part is, I’ve ended up respecting these people.
Having a boss is the most entertaining thing I’ve ever experienced. I’m grateful to have been confused so many different times. In so many different ways. Also…I’m job hunting again. The difference….I’m happy to be this time, and excited to get back to something I’m good at.
Well...Anyways 