During Meteor Man. To the smell of Belgian waffles cooking.
I get that waffles are arousing. But that fucking movie was awful.
We may have rented it, but something tells me we bought it. Meteor Man. What an epic shit of a movie. But, to be fair we didn’t have many choices. Sure we had a VHS player like everyone else, which you had almost unlimited choices to fulfill everyone’s viewing pleasure.
But this high tech device here friends was a laser disc player. Cutting edge stuff. We had the privilege of having a good deal of high tech toys for that time…a 486 loaded with games like X-Wing and Wolfenstein 3D, complete with a joystick and everything. Most of the kids in the kids in the area had high tech toys or gaming systems at the time, one individual my brother knew even had one of the coveted/sought after 3DO gaming consoles. Now this thing was a beast. 32 bit. Get the fuck outta here. The games were lengthy and realistic and loaded with awesome CGI (Wing Commander), then sometimes downright scary (Monster Manor).
Anyway, we didn’t have this gaming machine….so we did what any kid would do…befriend the guy and invite him over. With said console of course.
We lured him over with the guise of our bad A surround sound system and laser disc player. We had fucking Quigley Down Under for christ (no I’m not capitalizing that) sake. Tom goddamn Selleck. His mustache alone would be convincing enough to hang out. Nay, he replied. So we rent out Meteor Man…. I think the potential for any superhero movie is enough to lure in any curious kid that didn’t have instant access to movie previews like we do now. He’s all about it.
We watch Meteor Man. 10 year old me doesn’t question a damn thing. Although 32 year old me now questions even the smallest of details of that movie. To the point of socially questioning Eddie Griffin and receiving responses from the guy about his taste in shirts or his bad taste in shirts for that matter. The screen clip below actually did happen…I did also actually close that twitter account after realizing twitter is fucking lame as hell.
Well…Anyway…
We watch two full movies on laserdisc, and then commence to an all nighter with the 3DO. In the morning we’re offered some waffles and other assorted breakfast tastys.
Hell yes. That’s exactly what I need after a night of eye bleeding gaming.
I go in to the other room to let my brother and our new buddy know about breakfast and …. lo and behold…
The first male penis I’ve ever seen…just out and about.
Homeboy was just strokin to the right, and strokin to the left. By his damn self.
So I do what any kid would do in response to seeing that. Tell my mom, and promptly go outside and play with GI Joes.
Yeah my mom was speechless. And yeah since that dudes last name was dresslove, he was forever known unto me from that point on as beatlove.
Anyway…that Meteor Man movie is absolute fucking garbage. But the 3DO did put a rare somewhat unknown Zelda game for those interested…”The Wand of Gamelon”.
Also. Just because you have cool video games doesn’t mean you can jerk off infront of me. Moral over.
Well...Anyways 