Tried to. Kind of did. I didn’t want them to. They didn’t ask.
Back in high school, my parents went out of town. It was the end of the year. So I did what every high school kid that has a thirst to vicariously live like their lives are the movie can’t hardly wait…or MTV…or some shit.
Fuck that movie.
I had a party.
I wasn’t too awfully popular in high school. I had maybe 10 friends total. Maybe 2 that I actually hung out with outside of school hours… I invite my friends. And friends of friends are invited too.
I think I themed the party. The all American party. Because fuck terrorism or because team america or something.
Anyway.
My friend had this fake ID, think it was a new jersey ID…So we go and buy a comical amount of beers. Turns out to be exactly 200 beers. I think we got a bottle of jack and plastic bottle vodka…The finest aristocrat available.
I hate vodka. Mostly because I ruined it for myself that night by mixing it with blue PowerAde. Tastes awful.
Anyway.
People actually show up.
- Creepy really old dude stranger no one knew, but had a cool camero.
- Another creepier guy, that we knew, with 4 cases of Sams brand sodas. (Party?)
- Cookie cutter college guy who kept telling us all how awesome his fraternity was.
- Chick in caffeine’s that kept trying to do raving shit.
- Guys with beards in all black that were in some shit metal band.
These people show up. Word got out?
Actual friends show up too, with more booze and god knows what else.
Good friend of mine decides this would be a great time to utilize his new sony super mega amazing nightshot video camera. Sure.
He documents the night.
We all start getting pretty amazing. I think I had a break dancing contest in the street, this one dude was running around in the hood screaming “all american, bomb iraq”…
Which was particularly fantastic because the hood we lived in was almost all folks from middle eastern type countries…
We get him back inside immediately. But not before walking past my girlfriend drunkenly being convinced to show everyone her tits. Pervy precursor.
But they video tape them this time. Her tits. Damn it…?
Inside…the fraternity guy…the Pi Kappa Alpha guy …Jacob?… Became incredibly drunk at some point, and began puking everywhere. Bad spaghetti puke. Bad bad puke food. We get him in to the bath room, where bomb iraq guy is already kind of asleep in the tub….but still conscious enough to keep hitting on the girl I was dating. He did that a lot, he made her a mixed tape once. That shits fucked up.
So we put Jacob in front of the potty.
Jacob starts looping, “ALL AMERCIAN”. Guy gets stuck on repeat. Between pukes. At one point falls asleep face on the toilet seat. Yikes.
This is all on tape.
Raver girl is now angry, because cookie cutter college pike guy is face down in the toilet. While talking her off the ledge of glowstick mountain, she convinces me to listen to raver music. Then she leaves. And leaves Jacob the pukey pike at my house.
I’m sitting there vortexing out of my mind on techno music.
Vortexing is a process in which you’re listening to boomy type musics, while observing repeating visual stimulation, like a disco ball…it’s a zoning out sort of thing. Booming, flashing, and drunk stuffs.
Anyway.
I get involved with activities with this girl I was dating. Closed door activities.
These dudes, my friends I guess, think it’d be awesome to just come in and video tape what happens during the course of the activities. It was mildly funny the first time, but an invasion of privacy and kind of fucked. The second time they unlocked the door with a skeleton key of sorts that one of the dudes had on his keychain, maybe because he’s a practiced deviant I dunno. Fucked. Not really sure how I found these people.
That second time they got a few half witted girls gone wild shots. Invasion of privacy. I’m not sure why they left the room. But they did.
Then the third time they attempted to portray their antics as a C.O.P.S esque, going after my own heart, but again invading my privacy with their weird pervy bullshit…They turn on the fancy night vision camera gizmo and try to video through the blinds of my bedroom window. But are quickly discouraged by how little they’re able to capture.
So I find out about this footage a few days later. From a friend who watched it in metal band dudes garage. Oh wait, his moms garage. Watching creepy pervo not even good not even porn in his moms garage. I guess I wasn’t immediately pissed, just mostly confused, definitely not happy. I didn’t see the pervy sexual deviancy benefit(s) of this video. Everything but the sex stuff was kind of hilarious though.
Well…Anyways…
Some years later before my wedding. As a wedding gift, my friend gave me what was to be the last copy of said tape. It doesn’t take a free readin’ from miss cleo to tell me several copies of this tape were made and maybe even still out there. He wasn’t too deeply involved in the pervery… I think he and his wife got us another gift too. Maybe mixing bowls.
How the fuck was this a wedding gift. Oh well.
Entitlement.
Deviants.
Whatever, fuck it.
Narnia.
Well...Anyways 