I guess there was more to it than that, but at the time…Damn. Whiskey. John Jameson.
Well…Anyway…
It was a really long day, I hadn’t really slept and after several work parties/events, trays of drinks and bull riding…watching COPS in my PJ’s seemed pretty legit. Interpreting Miranda warnings or Miranda “rights” through huffs and puffs of those wonderfully round dudes while tasing about the lawless streets used to be one of my favorite pastimes.
I get a text… “We’re watching COPS in our PJ’s, come down here”.
…OK
Yeah I’m that easy.
Anyway. There was no “we’re” no us. No dos. Whatever. I was in to it, or sleepy or drunk.
Why is COPS, late night, not a one and done thing? It’s always some sort of marathon…I think I’m complaining.
“Wanna make out?”
… John Jameson…
Sure?
There was a hint of awkward kissing. That moment when you’re trying to figure out how to kiss someone you’ve never kissed. I think. Maybe not though. John Jameson.
“I thought you were joking, but this is fun.”
So one thing leads to the….a lot less clothes.
“I haven’t shaved…in…”
Blah blah blah, I don’t care about that shit. It’s your pussy, not mine.
Anyways.
Moments later she sits up and says… “I have to tell you something… I used to be a man”.
I look up and said,maybe this is insensitive, but….well, looks fantastic to me and I really don’t give a shit.
It was an awkward ice breaker. She was never a man. She was nervous. After a good bit of laughing, she explains a 10+ year long lull…absence….A decision on her part to not have any sexual contact with anyone. We didn’t have sex.That was a fun night. It was…
I was told…by some folks, friends and family, a few coworkers…that give or take a year or two, this woman is old enough to have been my mother.
I never really toyed with that phrase much. But it’s insane to me. And implies some sort of weird incesty vibe. I’m guessing its origin is probably meant to dissuade folks from wanting to be with someone by making them think about banging about with members of their own family. Umm…Hey how about good for you guys. But nah…mostly the whole… she must have been happy to show off a younger dude, she still has it blah blah blah, she’s on the prowl. Yeah let’s harp on some wack ass societal bs featuring tail chasing and older chicks romping about getting their groove back. Fuck all that. Two people were having fun after a long day and quite a few drinks. Once.
Anyways.
Some time later I attempted dating this woman. We had one last laugh in bed. I don’t know what kind of omen it is for me to get a nosebleed while going down on someone, but man that was one awful stain. Plus…Who poops with the door open and doesn’t flush anyway. Don’t start that shit either…literally. I’m OK with it if this makes you think I’m shallow. This..this of all things. It didn’t work out….
Well…Anyways…
Always close the door, always use the fan, always flush. Never forget that shit. Literally.
Well...Anyways 